Bleach, "Conditioned Faith" (Aizen+Hinamori)

[sincere]

It honored her simply to be allowed to assist him. For her, anything was enough. But there were certain ways that she could be... better, in his eyes. And she wanted that. Right?
Written for springkink, to the prompt Aizen/Hinamori: blindfolds - take only what you can touch. Mostly gen, with Hinamori adoracrushing on Aizen. Some warnings for creepy, and tiny spoilers for Turn Back the Pendulum, although the individual in question would want to kill Aizen for the way he's being abused here.


conditioned faith
In the days after her appointment as lieutenant of the fifth division, Hinamori Momo glowed. She kept the badge of her office on all the time. She forgot to eat; she laid awake at night beaming at the ceiling; she heard Hitsugaya's sour commentary as if through a thick fog, barely reaching her ears and certainly never dimming her smile.

Captain Aizen's lieutenant! It was literally a dream come true, the dream she'd had ever since she first joined the academy and saw him, strong and confident and handsome, everything a hero made flesh should be. Being part of his world, standing at his right hand and helping him manage his responsibilities -- she could imagine no shinigami who was luckier, no position she would rather have.

It was like her world had been completed.

There was nothing odd about being called to his rooms, never anything odd or inappropriate, not for Captain Aizen. Momo knocked on the wood panels and lifted her voice, calling, "Captain? It's Hinamori. Are you in?"

"Ah, Hinamori-kun," he said, from behind her. She spun around, eyes wide, unused to captains who could walk around with their tremendous reiatsu almost completely hidden; he was simply standing there, smiling warmly. "You're right on time as usual."

"Are you just coming back from your walk?" she asked attentively, and even just that made her feel so warm. She knew him, his routines, his habits. She was part of them.

Captain Aizen stepped closer, and she moved aside with a small bow to let him at the door. "Yes. You should enjoy the weather while it's so mild. A walk can be quite relaxing -- expands the mind and calms the heart."

His smile was like an embrace; and he was so wise, so gentle. Momo floated into the room behind him, hands clasped. Someday she might lose this feeling, this delight simply in attending to her hero, but she didn't even want to. "What did you need me for?" she asked, happily.

"You've been my lieutenant for a week," he said, padding softly to a dresser. "How do you like it so far?" His brown eyes turned to her, interested in her answer.

"C-- Captain..." she started, and then hurried to reassure him, "I'm really, really enjoying it! I'm just happy to be useful, and" --with you-- "do a good job-- If-- you think I'm doing a good job..." Momo trailed off, finding herself flushed and nervous.

Aizen chuckled, saying, "You've done a magnificent job, Hinamori-kun," and that made her flush harder, pleased. "Everything I was hoping for. I consider myself lucky to have discovered you before anyone else did."

"Captain..."

"There is one thing," he said, retrieving something from a drawer, "that I was thinking of. Something my captain did with me when I first became his lieutenant. Have you ever heard of Captain Hirako?"

He glanced back at her, but she had to shake her head regretfully.

"Well. He was before your time."

Momo pressed, almost eager for information, "What kind of person was he?" Who could possibly have been captain to Captain Aizen's lieutenant.

Aizen smiled faintly, turning back around to face her. "He was a very eccentric man," he said simply. "But I have always taken into consideration the things he told me. After my first week as his lieutenant, he asked me to do something for him."

She tilted her head curiously as he held up a hand and opened his fist, letting a strip of cloth dangle from his fingers.

"A trust exercise," he murmured.

In all honesty she still didn't know what to expect. Momo sat obediently still on the floor of the tatami room as he secured the blindfold so gently over her eyes. She didn't even quite recognize the flicker of unease, since it was impossible to think that he might not have the best of intentions. But when she turned her head and saw no light, nothing at all, it was instinct to feel a sliver of fear, no matter how impossible it was to think that he might hurt her.

Not someone like Captain Aizen. He's a hero -- he's so kind.

But, still. Self-preservation--

"You're probably feeling frightened right now."

In the darkness his voice was strange; warm and vibrating, curling around her. Momo hunched her shoulders and shook her head fiercely, but he countered, understanding, "It's okay. It's natural. We are all afraid of the darkness, at first."

She wet her lips, in spite of herself betraying her nervousness as she heard him moving away, moving somewhere. But, she reminded herself, he was her captain. This was a trust-building exercise.

As if hearing her thoughts, knowing them somehow, he asked her, "Do you understand why we're doing this?"

"Yes," she said quickly. Her voice sounded strange, too.

"Why?"

"Right now -- I don't trust you enough." What was it about her voice? Why did it quaver there at the end? "To be an effective team, I need to believe that you'll look after me. That when I can't see, you can be my eyes."

That was it-- Her voice sounded weak, thin. She didn't really sound like that, did she?

"Exactly correct, Hinamori-kun."

His voice was so approving. That expression he so often wore flashed in her blind sight, and her lips curved up slightly, almost a smile.

"Stand up."

Slowly, carefully, Momo rose to her feet -- everything felt so different without being able to see, like her sense of balance was gone, her perception of the world. For all she knew the walls had disappeared, and the wide-open world spread just beyond her in the darkness. What did his room look like? She'd forgotten the layout.

And he wasn't saying anything, she was just standing there in the darkness, in silence. She felt like she was swaying, unable to stand perfectly still, and she shifted her stance, firming her socked feet against the tatami.

"--Captain Aizen?" Momo was proud of her voice for sounding stronger there. "What should I do now?"

No sounds, no movements. She couldn't feel his reiatsu. Were her thoughts showing on her face? She couldn't really tell. It was starting to feel strange, like she was adrift, alone.

Just as she was about to call out to him again, he said, "Why... Why don't you walk towards me, Hinamori-kun? Listen to the sound of my voice so that you can tell which direction I'm in."

Her shoulders slumped with relief. "Okay!"

He had just been thinking about what to say. So foolish to be worried. It wasn't the blindfold: this was a routine exercise, one she had been through before. When it had been Abarai-kun on the other side of the blindfold -- Kira-kun -- if it were Hitsugaya-kun, of course, always -- she had always been able to trust, to stumble and laugh it off.

But in the darkness, away from the sun that was his smile and the broad strength gentled by his caring, she found herself suddenly thinking, Would he leave me here? What is he thinking? What do I actually know about Captain Aizen?

Those thoughts were unworthy of her, and she scolded herself for them. The most important thing was listening to Captain Aizen's voice, trusting him to help her. He had always helped her.

"You're doing a wonderful job, Hinamori-kun. I can tell that you're trying to face your uncertainty and overcome it. The more faith you have in me, the better a team we will make. You believe that, don't you?"

"Yes!" Momo turned, listening, and finally found the direction she thought was his voice.

"I knew you would." She could hear him smiling again. "Walk forward. I will keep you from getting hurt."

Now his voice kept coming, narrating her journey, guiding her around the obstacles in her path, and Momo felt her confidence grow with each step. This was right, this was how it was supposed to be. Only his voice in the vast darkness, guiding her steps.

Captain Aizen's voice. With a relieved heart, she could follow anywhere that voice told her to go.

She thought, and then her outstretched hand bumped into something, firm and solid and warm but covered with cloth. And for a paralyzed moment she brought up the other hand to find his bicep before really realizing, This is Captain Aizen, you're touching him, this is his arm, his-- chest--!

Momo went red and started to stammer, "I-- I'm sorry--"

"You were a little bit off," said his voice, calm. "I'm just to the left of where you thought I was. But you still did very well."

"Th... thank you," she murmured, drawing her hands back and folding them behind her back, tangling fingers together where he couldn't see. She had failed, a little, but he wasn't disappointed in her. That was good.

And then he stepped more squarely in front of her, where he should have been. It suddenly felt so close that she almost imagined could sense him all over, his heat prickling at her skin and making her self-conscious. Hands settled on her shoulders, reassuring probably, but she felt still more nervous.

"Now, turn around," he said, in a voice like silk that curled around her, into her brain.

Unbidden a sudden tension rose in her again. The idea of him at her back, an inch from contact with her, bigger and stronger and focused on her, and she couldn't see anything, suddenly felt smothering, and Momo couldn't stop herself, couldn't think. She laughed breathlessly and reached up to take off the blindfold, half-protesting, "C-- Captain Aizen..."

Light flooded back into her vision, painful but welcome, and the first thing she could make out was his face, his supportive smile, his gentle eyes.

"Was that asking too much?" he asked kindly. She opened her mouth and he just shook his head, removing his hands from her shoulders. "It's fine. I wasn't expecting you to be able to trust me that far all in one night. Thank you for trying so hard."

Momo smiled again, brought the smile to her lips deliberately. "Thank you for saying so."

He didn't say a word of censure, but he didn't need to; she was already annoyed with herself. What had she been so afraid of? His benevolence was so obvious in everything he did and said, now that she was out of the darkness. He was a good man, a good captain, and he just wanted to establish a bond between himself and his new lieutenant. Her silly paranoia must have disappointed him.

Aizen had already reclaimed the blindfold and was turning back to his desk, wrapping it up neatly. "I mean it, Hinamori-kun. I had no expectations. I'm only glad that we were able to do this."

"Well-- So am I." She was clearly being dismissed. Momo bowed again, polite, and turned to leave, but she paused with her hand on the door. "...Captain?"

"Yes?" He looked up. He had settled in front of his writing desk, for all the world content.

Momo held a breath, and then asked, "What were you going to ask me to do? After I turned around?"

Aizen chuckled again. "If you know, then it isn't a matter of faith, is it?" She flushed, but before she could say anything, he continued serenely, "I was going to direct you across the room, to pick up my bedside clock and bring it back to me."

Oh! That made so much sense. She felt stupid again for doubting him. Guilty, she said, "I'm-- I'm sorry we didn't get to that point, sir."

"It's all right, Hinamori-kun," Aizen said, smiling at his desk, with an edge to his normally still smile. "Next time."

Yes, she thought, stubbornly, as she headed out into the evening air. Next time I'll just listen to him.

She would let his voice be the only thing she needed. She would have faith that Captain Aizen only wanted what was best for her.