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Kingdom Hearts, "What It Is To Lose" (Axel/Roxas)
Warnings: Yeah, I'm sure nobody's ever written about the moment when Roxas walks away from Axel before. I'm like soooo original. In my head this wanted to be extremely short and terse, like 200 words or something, but I underestimated my persistent verbosity and it's like three whole times that length.
.what it is to lose.
He knows that something is coming, it's in his gut, a sick sense of bonds shivering and falling apart. Call it intuition. It doesn't surprise him when it is Roxas who strides out of The Castle That Never Was and does not look back.
"You've made up your mind?" Axel says. The brooding that has taken the usually imperturbable Number Thirteen has been obvious to them all from the first day he came back with his mind elsewhere. Luxord said Bets on when he cracks? and no one laughed.
"Why did the keyblade choose me?" Roxas asks, not of him, because he knows Axel won't answer. He asks it of destiny. Of fate. "I have to know."
"You can't turn on the Organization!" Axel flares, stepping out. "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!"
He means it to be a warning, an argument to stay, but part of him suddenly thinks, I'll destroy you.
Intuition again: maybe orders, maybe voluntarily. He's done it before, after all. Sought out the traitors, ended them. It occurs to Axel that if he does it now he will save them all what will be a lot of grief. It would be easy; Roxas is still facing away from him, hasn't bothered even to turn and look at him as he leaves, wouldn't have bothered to say goodbye if Axel hadn't known to be here.
Summon a chakram and throw... His mind is already there, his fingers curling to prepare for its weight. Roxas will dodge to the right and another chakram can be there before he even lands. Maybe Nobodies as special as Roxas will bleed red blood like someone with a heart.
Then in that same split second he realizes that Roxas does not face him because Roxas is waiting for his treachery; he is tense beneath the shrouding black, prepared to do battle to win his freedom. Axel might have stabbed him in the back without remorse but the fact that Roxas expects it of him is, somehow, shocking.
Somehow sad.
"No one would miss me," Roxas says, a sneer in his voice, and resumes walking. He does not look back.
"That's not true!" He knows it even as the words are torn from him, as he feels his anger and his calculation flood out of him and leave him cold and shaking. He shouldn't be able to feel this way. "...I would."
I already do. Because he was so willing to forget about sitting together watching yellow moonlight spill, and dancing games of words and touch; because Roxas walks away from him and dismisses his grief, assumes that Axel will lie to him and betray him, and because Axel almost did.
Because, even now, they are no longer friends.
.what it is to lose.
He knows that something is coming, it's in his gut, a sick sense of bonds shivering and falling apart. Call it intuition. It doesn't surprise him when it is Roxas who strides out of The Castle That Never Was and does not look back.
"You've made up your mind?" Axel says. The brooding that has taken the usually imperturbable Number Thirteen has been obvious to them all from the first day he came back with his mind elsewhere. Luxord said Bets on when he cracks? and no one laughed.
"Why did the keyblade choose me?" Roxas asks, not of him, because he knows Axel won't answer. He asks it of destiny. Of fate. "I have to know."
"You can't turn on the Organization!" Axel flares, stepping out. "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!"
He means it to be a warning, an argument to stay, but part of him suddenly thinks, I'll destroy you.
Intuition again: maybe orders, maybe voluntarily. He's done it before, after all. Sought out the traitors, ended them. It occurs to Axel that if he does it now he will save them all what will be a lot of grief. It would be easy; Roxas is still facing away from him, hasn't bothered even to turn and look at him as he leaves, wouldn't have bothered to say goodbye if Axel hadn't known to be here.
Summon a chakram and throw... His mind is already there, his fingers curling to prepare for its weight. Roxas will dodge to the right and another chakram can be there before he even lands. Maybe Nobodies as special as Roxas will bleed red blood like someone with a heart.
Then in that same split second he realizes that Roxas does not face him because Roxas is waiting for his treachery; he is tense beneath the shrouding black, prepared to do battle to win his freedom. Axel might have stabbed him in the back without remorse but the fact that Roxas expects it of him is, somehow, shocking.
Somehow sad.
"No one would miss me," Roxas says, a sneer in his voice, and resumes walking. He does not look back.
"That's not true!" He knows it even as the words are torn from him, as he feels his anger and his calculation flood out of him and leave him cold and shaking. He shouldn't be able to feel this way. "...I would."
I already do. Because he was so willing to forget about sitting together watching yellow moonlight spill, and dancing games of words and touch; because Roxas walks away from him and dismisses his grief, assumes that Axel will lie to him and betray him, and because Axel almost did.
Because, even now, they are no longer friends.